If your way of helping a loved one who is an addict is by making excuses to keep them out of trouble, you’re wrong. That makes you an enabler, and that means you’re making their addiction an even bigger problem.
The Two Kinds of Enabling
According to Jeff Jay, there are two kinds of enabling; innocent and desperate.
Innocent enabling is when an individual doesn’t know any better and the reasons they use sound legitimate.
Desperate enabling is when the problem gets bigger and is finally recognized, but the enabler takes even more drastic measures to cover it up.
The best thing you can do is to help your loved one by standing firm in the decision to no longer help them cover up their mistakes. Let’s look at the five ways you can avoid enabling their addiction:
#1: Put Your Wallet Away
Don’t fall for your brother’s sob story when he tells you that his utilities have been turned off and he has no lights, water, or heat; that’s his problem. He might see the need to quit spending all his money on drugs when he has to sleep in a cold dark room, and there’s no hot shower.
You should only make an addict’s problem your problem if there are children in the mix, and if that’s the case, you’ll need to step up and keep them out of harm’s way. Pulling out your wallet doesn’t address the root cause of the addiction; it only treats symptoms.
#2: Talk About the Addiction
When your brother is sober, sit him down and talk to him. Be honest and open with him but avoid judgment. Let him know his actions and the danger that he is presenting to himself and others. If you can get him to admit to the addiction and his need for help and sober living, then you’re making real progress.
#3: No More Excuses
If your sister is late again for the family dinner, let the family know it’s because of her addiction. If you continue to make excuses for her, she’ll continue to use knowing that you’ll cover up for her, and the next time, it might be more than just the family dinner she misses out on.
#4: Is He Your Husband or Your Son?
What if the addict is your husband? You got married to have a companion, so stop treating your husband like your child. The longer you coddle him, the longer the addiction will continue until it grows dangerously out of control. Make him fend for himself, and when he realizes you won’t do it anymore, then he’ll have to make a choice.
#5: Seek Counseling
When your loved one suffers from addiction, it not only affects them, but it can also put a huge toll on the entire family. Everyone is constantly worried, and if you’re an enabler, you can get so caught up in the traps and excuses that you become stressed, nervous, and even depressed.
Although your loved one might not admit to having a problem, this doesn’t mean you can’t get help for you and other family members. Counseling is a great start on the road to recovery.
Useful reference: Sacramento addiction treatment programs.